I'm in shock.

Not by what had happened.
Nor is it what is going to happen.
But what is actually happening now.

Divine intervention.
How much can faith change a person?

Patience.
How long can a person keep their cool?

Perseverance.
How much longer can a person take?

Limitations,scarcities,fears.
Which one are you most afraid of?


Everyone has their limitations. You and I are no different. Anyone can become ridiculously short-tempered suddenly even though one might be known to not flare with anger easily. No single issue affects all similarly. Everyone have different focus of what they want to achieve from an event/a relationship/a quarrel.

Emotions and awareness are what make humans different from animals. People reacts to mere words of others. Often losing their sense, engulfed by the flames of anger and hatred. Thus losing their awareness. It makes us no different to animals who react to others who eyed their territory and attacking out of anger and defense.

Emotions when put to the correct usage, allows us to make a judgement while awareness highlights the impact of the decision made. If you are aware of your own decisions, most often, the result of the decision would be beneficial to not just you but the people around you as well. Know what you want. What you intend to have. And most importantly, what you already have.

Be patient. Endure. Think carefully. Be aware.Live with no regrets.

8:25 PM; antangoized =X

I have come to acceptance with a few things.

1. Everyone has flaws and there is no point focusing on people's flaws when I might suffer from the same problems as others.
2. I should not build up my hate level over stupid people who does stupid things.
3. I should be more neutral.
4. I have stupid seniors in NS!
5. Rather than whining about how your life is fucked up, why not put that saliva to good use to say more constructive things?

But most importantly,

SINGAPORE IS UGLY
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Well, at least I can see things in more perspective rather than most one-way-road minds of the majority. Looking back these past few months, it made me realise how much I have changed. I feel that I can think better. But I haven't lost any of my serious-less-ness and my bad habits. *the auntie on the bus forced me to use the middle finger on her for the first time in 4 months.* I have been notified today early in the morning that I have been norminated (yet again.. I always gets this things happening to me once in a while like 3 weeks once...) to take up media in NS. Photography and editing to creating a movie clip.. They even provide lessons for me to teach me how to take photos and all. I would probably think that things I capture would really look very different from what I would use to take from the past. Not saying that I have become a master overnight but probably every picture which I am going to take would have a story which only I would understand. I never had any flare with things that have connections with perspective. You can check that with my art teacher in primary and secondary school. Never got an A for perspective drawing. More of a high class imitation like a China good. Always felt as more of a follower than a creator until now. Probably now is that break to learn to become that leader which was in-born in me since the day that I was born to be.

My lungs are collapsing.. At least i think they are.. off for now..

8:52 PM; antangoized =X

I will put it in very simple terms.

Singaporeans are ugly.

It is not just their appearance that is ugly. Some might look physically ugly, but it does not mean that they are ugly totally. Internal beauty, their behaviours, habits and even genes, is what is seriously lacking in a Singaporean.

I believe that all people are generally good natured. However, that has proven to be a utopia in Singapore's context. Criticisms and vulgarities are a norm in Singaporean's language besides that typical Singlish that we have invented throughout these years. If the speak good english campaign is considered to be effective and achieving great results, maybe.. just maybe.. its time to take a step back and see what kind of excellent english people (young and old) are using nowadays. It seems like older generations who were alienated from english are educated with words like 'bastard' and 'stupid' before they learn words like 'sorry' and 'Thank you'. Maybe these latter words are not even learnt to begin with. A simple quote: 'bastard! purposely one is it!'. This was taken from a 50 odd year old going 60 year old auntie while I was having a bus ride to home. Point proven. Ill-mannered, uncouth, an ugly Singaporean made indeed.

Compassion is a word that is very vaguely defined. For me, it is defined as helping people who are more needy. It is a privilege to be able to give then to take. A friend of mine once told me: to have compassion means you are able to embrace and love everyone and anyone regardless of what their background, status might be. I do not see that in a true blue Singaporean. A simple gesture of giving up one's sit for the old or pregnant or just simply anyone who needs the sit more than you require signs and special colour scheme sits to remind Singaporeans. Even so, it is constantly ignored. On my way home everyday, during the peak hours, the onrushing and never ending human traffic swamps the MRT station. Standing place is already a scarcity let alone sits. I once saw an old lady holding a walking stick standing in front of a young couple playing a PSP. Incredibly, the old lady seemed to be transparent to them and they had a big 'PLEASE GIVE THIS SIT TO THE NEEDY' tagged on top of their head. Crowding at the door of the bus before the bus door opens and basically scanning of the EZ link card before alighting the bus are just gestures that show Singaporean struggling throughout their lives. Singaporeans focuses on these scarcities and would struggle all their life to achieve the scarcity. Thus creating this ugly Singaporean culture that we see today.

How often do you see Singaporeans like to make a mountain out of a molehill over the most meagre of arguments? They can preach to their children and friends that patience is a virtue, and learn to forgive and forget. Yet they are not aware that they are wearing the mask of hypocrisy. Accidents do happen. That is what everyone was told and I believed that this is so. I do not hide behind that mask of hypocrisy and blaming people who accidentally step on me on the bus or when they nudge me in the back. Much to my dismay, that ugly Singaporean auntie that I mentioned earlier did not think so. Assuming that my statment about preaching to people to forgive and forget was told to that auntie and by that auntie is true, she totally lost her marbles when an ACCIDENT had happened. An accidental step/nudge on her warranted a bastard cry. Who was she trying to embarass? I think it wasn't the person who stepped on her but herself. It just shows how hypocritical and ill-tempered she was. To put it in a jokingly way, I would probably think her husband did not give her good sex that's why she is so worked up over a small accident as what my colleague would say. Why would people become fucked up? Probably they are already fucked up in the first place. Malaysia truly asia, then Singapore is truly UGLY!

10:02 PM; antangoized =X

alright! its rreally time that i should have a long long entry.

nothing really big happened that is earth shaking except maybe i am getting pissed off with my army superior much more often than i was a few months ago? I am beginning to lose the control of my own temper and complain about many things to the head. haha! doesnt matter. He is suppose to let me rant cos there is always a basis for me to complain and i can back it up anytime. twisting of words is actually what i do best nowadays. One can never survive in the customer service branch without being able to think and twist your words to suit your argument quickly. Everything needs to be impromptu and if you cant do it, you wont make it.

there is never a day of total boredom in my army stint ever since i joined my current unit. Yesterday, i just had the happiest time dismantling my sir's partition to make his cubicle smaller! Too bad for you sir! who ask you in dent com never use your brain to think that there is no space for you to put it. hahah! Oh! and i sort of become a multi purpose man. Floor plan, do report, tank mdm work. i seem to be learning more than i should. got to attend course in august cos i was arrowed again haha! And i am going to be promoted to my next higher rank of LCP soon!! too bad for those lowbies!! I'm going to make you all knock it down hahahaha! SADISTIC ASSHOLE I AM!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

As for today, and like many other days, i had the most happy time screwing ard with the case and sending it back where it came from! TYPE MEAN MSG!!! hahaha! but i didnt get to swim cos the pool is down for maintaining -.- RETRIBUTION! HAHAAAHA!!

Enough of work stuff. seems like i have no life besides work and more work hahahaha! finally i am catching up with animes and animes cos i neglect the games ahhaahahhahaha!! anyway shall go and play liaoz

8:13 PM; antangoized =X

its been some time since i last updated. but who cares... hardly anyone reads it anyway haha!

oh well.. got to get my future sorted out next week before someone comes and haunt me again haha!

anyway.. im here to rant..

i dun want to go for stupid events on sunday!! what the fuck! i have to sacrifice my weekends cos my NSSC is making us participate in stupid stuff la. work on sunday?! wtf lol..

8:01 PM; antangoized =X